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February 2019
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Obama Adds Mystery To Interrogation Team

MysteryWashington (PFM): Erik von Markovik starts a new job Monday as associate director in the National Security Council’s revamped terrorism interrogation division, focused on devising new techniques for extracting information from the most recalcitrant suspects.

Markovik, whose stage name is Mystery, is a preeminent expert within the seduction community and touts himself as “the world’s greatest pick-up artist.” He is most known for his Mystery Method seduction seminars and the VH1 reality series “The Pick-up Artist.”

Using showmanship to “seduce” confessions from uncooperative targets is not a new idea as anyone who has watched television crime dramas can attest. But the implementation of this form of seduction in this venue is a novel strategy.

The Neg: “That car bomb was a pretty effective killing machine … for an amateur.”

“I promised a new direction from the last eight years,” Obama reminded a gathering of reporters before boarding Marine One on Tuesday, “The Mystery Method: attraction, comfort and seduction … these are techniques, I’m sure, that will better protect America without alienating us in the world.”

Mystery’s contribution to the team will be primarily as an advisor. His methods, although not previously tested on terrorists, are expected to include such techniques as ‘peacocking,’ and ‘negging.’
. . . Read on »

Dead Guy Leaves People Talking

I was reading this article about a guy (actually James Vellanti, chief operating officer of hedge fund JNF Asset Management LLC) who fell off an escalator and died at The Pier Shops at Caesars in Atlantic City.

Sad enough, right?

But every time I read an article about tragedy, I can’t help but skip ahead to the comments section. Sometimes they’re funny. Sometimes they’re sick. But mostly they leave you scratching your head and wondering. Seriously, you heard about a tragic death and felt compelled to speak out — and this is what you wanted to tell the world?

There’s “doctorphil1″ who helpfully offers some personal safety advice:

Piers Shops 1

And always remember to look for a floor before stepping into the elevator.

Then there’s this dude, combination firefighter / germaphobe:

Piers Shops 2

But the dead guy was in a casino. You ever seen the orange-haired old lady parked in front of Squirrels Gone Nutz on her GetAbout, chain-smoking Pall-Malls and hacking phlegm onto the back of her fist? I’m sure her hands aren’t exactly surgeon-scrub clean. If he wasn’t scared of handling playing cards, slot machines or dice, he probably isn’t (or wasn’t) going to be bothered by handrails either.

“Adkboy,” has a life-saving solution.

Maybe if everyone would just opt for exercise, there would be no more escalator tragedies.

Piers Shops 3

Can’t argue with that reasoning. And if we all walked to work instead of taking the car, I suspect we could cut down on driving fatalities.

Here’s someone with a practical solution. . . . Read on »

Pimp or Die, Mack or Cry

If you’ve been down on your luck, maybe looking for new opportunities, perhaps you should consider the outstanding opportunities available to you in the lucrative field of Pimpin’.

The following business plan was taken from one of the world’s great pimps (until he got busted).
Now the government is making it available to the public for the first time.
Let’s just say it’s part of the “Stimulus Package.” Another job created or saved.

Hat tip

Keep It Pimpin

Pimp or Die, Mack or Cry


Keep It Pimpin

More serious about my money and future…this pimpin like it’s a business (only except their best)
Take care my bitches more better

…Other ways to work my hoes (internet, int. feature dancers, int. stud)
Discover hoes from all over (jail house) Small cities nationwide got hoes that…to be discovered. Stay in high pursuit looking for a prostitute.

Don’t never get too comfortable or lazy in my position.

Maintain and campaign (everything I do or buy. Make sure it’s a campaign tool)
…My word is my bond (keep it pimpin!)

Attend the Players Ball in Vegas (cross country pimpin! Establish my name internationally)
Take my game to the next level (from the concrete streets, to the executive suites).

Pimp or Die, Mack or Cry (play to win and plan to the end)

Set up a international operation (have five hoes on every coast
…Every hoe take a vow to hoeing!

…first, ass last! If I’m gonna take a chance, then I’m gonna the hoes money in advance!
Put my city on the map and establish my own players…
Stack money to the ceiling (safety deposit box)

Cash cars (buy not good cash cars that way I will…have cars if something goes bad.)
Minimize my budget (cash cars, houses, etc.)
Keep a good photographer (Split Second Video/Kings Flea Market)

Get in touch with Big Al out of Florida

No Kebabs For Me, Thanks

funnyboyzNext time you’re at the Blackpool Promenade in Lancashire you might want to avoid Funny Boyz, cause it sounds like there ain’t nothing funny going on there (from the Daily Mail):

The prosecution in the 2007 trial alleged that Jordanian immigrant Mr Albattikhi, who owned Funny Boyz fast food shop in Blackpool, strangled the teenager after having sex with her.

Police started a murder inquiry when David Cassidy, a former friend of Mr Albattikhi, said the accused’s brother had told him the schoolgirl had been strangled and chopped up.

(I’m guessing they don’t mean the David Cassidy even though they, oddly, link to him in the story).

Or at least if you must eat at Funny Boyz, stick to the Jacket Potatoes and skip the Kebab.

. . . Read on »

These Are Not the Pigs You're Looking For

I gotta ask …

Was Fox News concerned that some readers won’t know a pig when they see one?

So they had to point out ‘similar to the one above’ … but not him. If you see this little piggy at the market, he’s safe. Feel free to give him a hug.

Or were they concerned that the pig pictured might sue for defamation?

Presumably, the pig’s friends or co-workers could see him in this article and think he’s got the H1N1. It could be very damaging to his career.

Whatever the case, I’ve fixed it.

News From the Northern Territory

Allyson-WhiteA woman accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin’s rural area is outraged at the allegation and says it is “absolutely wrong”.

You gotta love this story out of Australia just because of this woman’s lovely vocabulary (which was ****ing censored, but you’ll get the point).

Gems like this one must make her a fan favorite at the local pub:

“Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it’s impossible I’d be leaning over ****ing his ***** unless he is hung like a donkey or I’ve got a ******* rubber neck.”

Nonetheless, her defense is pretty reasonable. Hell, who’s gonna give a bj for $5?

“It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my ‘girls’ were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something … but $5 is a bit cheap for a **** job.”

Even if you didn’t care for the language. You have to appreciate the Northern Territory style of giving places names like ‘Humpty Doo

. . . Read on »

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