Please help feed hungry PFM staffers:


February 2019
« Jun    

Obama Adds Mystery To Interrogation Team

MysteryWashington (PFM): Erik von Markovik starts a new job Monday as associate director in the National Security Council’s revamped terrorism interrogation division, focused on devising new techniques for extracting information from the most recalcitrant suspects.

Markovik, whose stage name is Mystery, is a preeminent expert within the seduction community and touts himself as “the world’s greatest pick-up artist.” He is most known for his Mystery Method seduction seminars and the VH1 reality series “The Pick-up Artist.”

Using showmanship to “seduce” confessions from uncooperative targets is not a new idea as anyone who has watched television crime dramas can attest. But the implementation of this form of seduction in this venue is a novel strategy.

The Neg: “That car bomb was a pretty effective killing machine … for an amateur.”

“I promised a new direction from the last eight years,” Obama reminded a gathering of reporters before boarding Marine One on Tuesday, “The Mystery Method: attraction, comfort and seduction … these are techniques, I’m sure, that will better protect America without alienating us in the world.”

Mystery’s contribution to the team will be primarily as an advisor. His methods, although not previously tested on terrorists, are expected to include such techniques as ‘peacocking,’ and ‘negging.’

To ‘peacock,’ an interrogator will dress outlandishly in order to prompt a conversation with the ‘target’ detainee and soften him for a ‘pick up,’ or confession; while the ‘neg’ is applied by offering the suspect a back-handed compliment, such as “That car bomb was a pretty effective killing machine … for an amateur.” A successfully placed neg will encourage the terrorist to prove his worth, in other words ‘qualify,’ by offering details or perhaps bragging about future exploits.

Also joining the President’s [HIG team] are … J-Dog, Matador and Savoy.

Working with ‘sets’ and encouraging interrogators to use the ‘3 second rule,’ are just a few more of the techniques expected to soften terrorist ‘targets’ and encourage them to ‘qualify.’ When working with ‘sets,’ a ‘wing-man’ will be used to befriend the cohort of a target while the key investigator lures in the ‘pack leader.’

“This is really just a way of capitalizing on evolutionary instinct, social psychology if you will,” said criminal behavior expert Ryan Abernathy. “It really works on just about everyone who qualifies as human. In that sense, there’s not much difference between the treacherous mountains of the Khyber Pass and the dance-floor at PURE nightclub in Caesar’s Palace.”

Also joining the President’s High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) are Mystery posse members J-Dog, Matador and Savoy.

If you would like more information, or would like to start an NSC/HIG Mystery Method team in your area, consult the Venusian Arts Handbook at

Reported by Jake M from the PFM White House desk

Comments be closed.

Puppet Free Tees
Search Puppet Free Media:

p free products