Expert Offers Tips, Tricks, and Trivia
Sudbury Township (PFM): Kyle Hoatson, renowned driving expert, conducted an educational seminar Monday evening from 6:30 – 7:15 pm.
The unannounced event was conveniently presented from the passenger seat of Ryan Wilson’s 2003 Honda Civic. The instructional offering consolidated all of Hoatson’s greatest material from his driver’s coaching series into one program.
The training was held as a part of Wilson’s excursion to Sudbury Township to help Hoatson acquire a permanent source of transportation. “I guess it was just my lucky day,” Wilson said.
In addition to general help with directions, Hoatson’s lecture covered a wide range of topics including convenient shortcuts, gas saving habits that work, how to avoid tickets, and proper use of air conditioner controls.
Many advanced topics were also covered in detail:
- Statistical analysis of lane choice options
- Failures of traffic engineering
- The physics of turning, and
- Psychological profiling through identification of vehicle make/model/year
…
As with all of Hoatson’s classes, the seminar was conducted in a “free-form fashion” without the constraints of an agenda or course structure.
Wilson raves about this approach, “Kyle just fires off the tips in a kind of barrage as he thinks of them. If you’re not quick, you may miss a tip or two … and boy, he won’t let you forget it.”
Hoatson spiced up the seminar with anecdotes from his own experiences, such as:
- How his grandmother drives
- How he avoided a collision one time
- Hilarious stop sign mix-ups, and
- The undue caution of “morons” turning right on red
The courses are offered at no cost to students. Despite the personal costs incurred by the instructor, his lecture series continues to expand.
Although he previewed only tidbits at Monday’s lecture, Hoatson let it be known that he offers a series of seemingly unrelated studies ranging from:
- How to manage a professional baseball team
- Where to shop for great prices on the things you should want
- How to avoid discomfort and inefficient energy use by not exercising
- Foods that don’t taste good / Ladies you should want to get with, and
- The world of the future (if Hoatson is in charge)
The Socratic Method, asking questions to stimulate clear thinking and explore key principles, was employed in the classroom and kept the student on his toes.
Some of the questions that challenged Wilson during the information laden discourse were such thought provoking interrogatories as:
- “What are you, a wienie?”
- “Don’t you know left from right?” and
- “What kind of fool donates his organs?”
Hoatson leaves little room for ambiguity. He is very firm in his insistence that all of his teachings are established scientific principles, physical laws in their own right requiring no further consideration or debate.
Packed with information, class-time was barely enough to complete the curriculum. Mr. Hoatson hardly had time to take a breath or a sip of his soda, let alone take questions from students.
Although the Monday session was a one-on-one tutoring session, Hoatson has been known to offer these impromptu classes to crowds as large as 6 or 7.
Hoatson will readily recount tales of particularly unruly students including Randall Coburn. That guy just couldn’t seem to use his brain and his tendency toward violent threats were too much for Hoatson to bear. Coburn was expelled and has been banned from the classroom for an unstated duration.
The classes have become less popular lately as many of the students move on. Hoatson attributes this to his “no nonsense” teaching style.
As Hoatson puts it, “If you can’t take the heat, get out of the car.”
Jake M on the PFM Traffic Beat
