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February 2019
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!----- BREAKING NEWS -----!

Boy Fingered in Smelting Incident

Centerville (PFM): The source of an exceptionally heinous attack on the olfactory senses a few moments ago has been uncovered.

Other boys who witnessed the event used sound logic, a keen sense of smell, and reliance on the ages old adage of “he who smelt it dealt it,” to identify the perpetrator of the malodorous emanation as none other than Ethan Gholston, age 11, of 358 Main St. in Centerville.

The culprit was fingered by nearly every witness to the crime. Only Ethan’s younger brother Josh remained silent while the offense was being recounted. Investigators believe Josh may be protecting his older sibling.

Within moments of the identification, Ethan was met with swift justice. Quickly convicted under rules of time honored tradition, Ethan was punished with 2 minutes of taunts, insults, and detailed scrutiny of Ethan’s eating habits. The jokes and laughing are to be followed by a 10 minute ostracism.

Ethan will remain on a list of odiferous offenders for the foreseeable future. This will ensure that his friends, relatives, and a particular girl are made aware of the incident.

Ethan will be the first suspect in any future episodes. Investigators are currently sifting through memories of past incidents to ascertain Ethan’s whereabouts at the time.

This is a breaking news exclusive from PFM reporter Jake M

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