This article was originally run on Jul 26, 2009
Centerville, July 27 (PFM): A famine may have been narrowly avoided by a weekend delivery of fresh fruits, condiments and cereal products to Sully’s Pantry, a local supermarket.
A source with intimate knowledge of store operations, who has requested anonymity, stated that an overnight blitz of store activity has greatly reduced the imminence of a widespread famine for at least a week.
Fear within the community has been pervasive after a rumor circulated claiming that Sully’s bread aisle was nearly empty. “The only white bread left was a smashed package of Mrs. Baird’s,” shopper CeeCee Aames reported.
Although specialty whole grain loaves and assorted rolls, buns and raisin bread were found in abundance, the scarcity of nature’s most necessary foodstuff, white bread, sent shockwaves through the community.
Aames further reported that the only Tater Tots to be found were “those nasty store brand ones that taste like greasy poop. And forget about the cottage cheese; it was that non-fat health food junk.”
Sully’s has taken steps that will reduce the likelihood of short-term food shortages. Check out lines have been slowed to a snail’s pace in an effort to discourage hording, while the deli continues to stock product long after its natural expiration date in order to ensure the cases remain full.
