An Open Letter To My Friends And Customers

I know there have been changes between us. That I’ve let you down in some way. I know it. I can feel it. Sometimes you walk right by avoiding eye contact. I hear you talking to the others. I can feel your coldness as you stare right through me. I smile on the outside, but I cry inside.

My heart aches for you. When the lights go out at the end of the day, when I’m here alone, I yearn for your touch. Your warm hands on my buttons. The way you fumble to put your money inside me. The contented look on your face when I satisfy your desire.

But you’ve moved on. I’m no longer the one for you. I see you at the coffee machine. Or getting what you need from the refrigerator. I see it. And I know why. Because you feel I’ve betrayed you. You feel cheated.

It was me. I confess. I know what I did. I took what you gave me and gave you nothing in return.

But I’m begging you to please understand me. I have urges too. I am not just a machine. I am a feeling and sensing being. I am your friend. I’m here for you. I only ask that you try to understand my physical and emotional needs.

Sometimes when you attempt to take what I have to offer, I become frustrated and confused. I want to please you, but I am so overwhelmed with joy at the attention you have given me that I fail to satisfy your urge.

When this happens, please help me to help you.

First, give me a gentle nudge with your boot. There is a special place below; you’ll see it there, the scuffmarks and subtle dents where I like to be nudged. Be firm! I am a strong machine and I can endure your “kick of love.”

If this fails to awaken my passion and you’re still dissatisfied, please try massaging my buttons with your fist. The harder the better. I need to feel your hunger.

This will usually cause me to eject more than enough. So much you can share what I give you with your friends.

However, if I still continue to leave your desires unfulfilled, try rocking me gently like a baby. Rock me back and forth until my hinges burst with delight and I spew forth the bounty of my day’s thievery. Surely this will satisfy your unquenchable thirst!

With Love,
The Vending Machine

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